Part 14: Episode XIV: The Vatican Heist

Episode XIV: The Vatican Heist



The craziest Halloween ever recorded...at least in Aberystwyth, Wales... and in the year 1898... continues. Before we exit our newest Permanent Save Point, the fated hour is nearly upon us for another special item unlock.



This time we’re shooting for 43 items at 5:55:55. This is actually the last of the special unlocks we’ll be seeing until around the end of the LP. The next item unlock isn’t for another four hours, fourteen minutes and 15 seconds at 10:10:10 playtime. Which is fine by me because pissing away 15-25 minutes to get trinkets for completionist sake isn’t the greatest use of my time I’ve ever run across.



Our reward this go around is “Tamakos Soup”. There isn’t actually a character named “Tamakos” in this game. What they were going for was Tamacoss, the unbaptized baby blob we encountered back in the underground area. Personally, I don’t think I’d feed that thing. It’s probably like a stray cat. Next thing you know it’ll be showing up at your back door step wanting more to eat. Then before you know it you’ll find yourself upset that it got hit by a car crossing the road and it’ll be this whole thing. It’s not worth the trouble.



Tamakos Soup is actually an Elixir, the strongest healing consumable in the game. As per tradition, undoubtedly the player will never use until the credits have already rolled because it needs to be saved just in case of an emergency that will never arrive. They’re nice enough to hand us a couple of these for our effort in time and inventory shenanigans.





Now that the Chimera has been slain, that pesky barrier blocking the way through that hidden wall is open to us. May as well poke around there in hopes of finding somewhere to shove all this glass or make some statue look fabulous.



Our new passage opens up to a “Triangular Hallway” even though it is clearly a gated off exterior path... Someone really needs to give a lesson in architecture to whoever is deciding the names of these temporary save points. Sadly, the gate to the south is locked and climbing a seven foot fence is absolutely out of the question for our trio. Do you picture James climbing anything? Honestly?



Continuing forward, we find ourselves in Nemeton Monastery’s church. About time given the name of the joint... Right smack dab in the middle of the room we can steal liberate another Key Item.



We’ve acquired a commemorative Pope relief. You too can have your very own Limited Edition Pope Relief with a generous donation of $99.99. Only limited supplies are available. Hurry now or you’ll miss out!





Guarding the Pope relief depository, we have this lopsided fella – the Minotauros. There’s a joke to be made about its solitary buff arm, but that would be in poor taste.



Being mostly a skeletal husk with one beefy arm, Minotauros’ solitary ability is just flinging itself at Edward’s face for nominal damage and a tickling of poison. That is... kinda it. It doesn’t have much HP. It’s extremely slow. It quickly died.



Sadly the door at the far end of this hall is only opened by some manner of devious mechanism. A “key” if you will... Perhaps we’ll find such an arcane tool in our travels.



For now, let’s duck into this chapel. A Stained Glass Room, you say? Do you mean we can finally get rid of this collection of assorted glass shards Koudelka has been stuffing into her skirt pockets for half the night?





Hallelujah!

...

Wait... what do you mean there’s still one more glass piece we have to shove in here. And for that matter, how did we insert those pieces in the first place? That window is like 20 feet tall. Are you telling me the party will scamper up a fifteen foot window to insert a glass shard with no problem, but a seven foot gate is a bridge too far...?





Nothing left to be done in the church at the moment. So let’s head back and clamber up on top of that grandfather clock back in the Library instead.



OK, Koudelka. Use your mad ups to slam dunk that Pope into the hole six feet above you. You can do it, kid!



BOOMSHAKALAKA!!



Although there was already a FMV showing the relief slide away to reveal a passage, we’re treated to the sound of the passage opening with no visible change on our end. We can still see the bricks are there, game... C’mon, son.



So I hope you’re not tone-deaf, otherwise this puzzle might be tricky. As soon as we enter the room, that music box we shoved into our inventory early resonates with the puzzle presented and plays four tones. It’s kind of a shitty music box... The music notes are below.


New Music: Music Box



There are four spaces on the floor that will activate and play a tone if Koudelka steps over them. We need to play the tone in the correct order. Or brute force it if you are of the hearing impaired. It’s only what... twenty-four combinations to try?



The “Music Box” has stopped playing and appears broken. You throw away the “Music Box”.

Thankfully, none of the puzzles in Koudelka are randomized. The solution is the Right, Left, Top, Bottom switches. Then we toss that garbage music box against the wall because fuck musical puzzles and move on our way to...



The gang strike a pose for their upcoming album cover – Nemeton Heathens. In stores November 25th!



What...? What is that?



Err... it’s a coffin, Edward. It’s like the least weird thing we’ve seen in quite some time. Granted, I couldn’t tell you why it’s in a hidden chamber above a huge clock in a library that is barred by a Pope key and a music box puzzle. But still...



Koudelka has a line here but it’s almost completely muted and for the life of me I cannot make it out, even turning up the volume 400% and cleaning up the audio. I guess it’s not too important as nobody responds.



In any case, Edward has already murdered a man tonight. Grave robbing isn’t much of a step down in crimes. He’s more than happy to bust into the coffin to see if there’s anything interesting inside.



Sorry pal. There is, in fact, just a corpse in this coffin. A shocking revelation, I know.



...Is that just a mummy? Tch. Cross your fingers...
That was disappointing...
I am surrounded by degenerates...



Everyone seems extremely bummed out there’s just a corpse in that coffin. I’m not sure what else they were expecting to find. They should be happen it hasn’t popped up an—



AWW SHIT!



HOLY SAVIOR! The secret of the Formors from the bottom of the sea...



Émigré!



BARF! <dies>
......
So did we win that fight?
...What?
I didn’t punch it but... I think we won?
Ergh... Yes, Edward. You won. Very good.
<nods> I showed it alright.



<runs to corpse> Did you say Émigré Document? What do you know about the Émigré Document!? Where is it!? Answer me!
Émigré Document? Is that what you have been looking for...?!
That mummy... thing... didn’t even say the “document” part.
<ignores Edward and starts walking quickly away>



Hey, you crotchety old fart! I'm sick of this!
<paces about and rests on fireplace>
You don’t want to talk? Fiiiiine. I'll slit your holy throat and leave your body for the rats!
Edward...
Cool it.



I have no choice... Here it is: I am on instructions direct from the Vatican. There is a manuscript. It’s said to be somewhere in the building.
And that manuscript is...?
Right... It’s called the Émigré Document.


Music: Requiem



Is it very important?
I wouldn’t still be in this awful land with this terrible company were it not.
Fair poin—hey!
For hundreds of years it was kept deep inside the Vatican Library. No one was allowed to read it. In fact, many people thought it didn't even exist.
That's weird... So why is it here now?
Somebody stole it.
Stolen...? From the Vatican?
Right.
No way... How many people could steal a thing like that from the Vatican?
Don’t they have like Swiss wizards there or something like that?
The Swiss Guard doesn’t practice wizardry to my knowledge. Still...
You really have to know the place or have enough money... According to our secret investigation, however, the wealthy gentleman who purchased this monastery bribed someone in the Vatican to steal the Emigre Document for him.
Wealthy gentleman...?



Yes... Patrick Heyworth...
......
<long sigh> My friend...
......
But it is not like it was priceless art or something. Why would he be interested in a thing like that?
For years Patrick has dabbled in mysticism and alchemy. He's on the brink of crossing the line and playing God.
“Playing God”?
Creating life, Edward. It is thought that the ancient Druids' forbidden secrets on eternal life and resurrecting the dead are contained in the Émigré Document.
I can't believe that.
I mean... have you seen the monsters we’ve been dealing with here, Koudelka?
That corpse did just sit up and spark this conversation...
But Druids...? Really? That’s too corny for me.
Of course it's just silly superstition. That is why I am here. To try to convince Patrick to drop his dangerous experiments and return the Émigré Document to the Vatican.



Wow... You'd never guess a lunatic like that was living here by looking at the place.
Maybe a vampire or a satanic cult. I would not have picked a rogue alchemist. Seems kind of...
Lame?
Lame.
According to the caretakers, he lives in the building next to the temple.
They said that?
Yes, they're terrified. With all the crazy things going on around here now... They haven't even seen Patrick, yet they feel indebted to him. They’ve asked me here to see if I can save him.
So you’re saying they don’t give *that* much of a crap about this guy, huh?
<glares>
<snorts> So that's your story?
I dunno... One more mystery that needs unraveling...



A mystery it is... Except we almost certainly saw that guy get fragged in that early cutscene about that Elaine lady and alchemy. Oh well, James doesn't know that. Tune in next time as this bogus Halloween draws to a close alongside Disc 2 of Koudelka. There definitely won’t be any unwinnable boss battles or single character dungeons involved in the near future. That’d be completely irresponsible!






Video: Episode 14 Highlight Reel (You should probably watch this.)





Nemeton Monastery Concept Art – When do we explore that tiny baby house on the far right side?